Overwhelmed

Today we had our third home study visit, the last one before the home tour.  This visit lasted two hours and 15 minutes.  We talked about our kids some, and mostly about the adoption and the children waiting to be adopted.  This was a very emotional visit for me.  All of the home study visits have been emotional for me, but this one even more so.  While I have researched a lot, I learned things today that I didn’t know and wasn’t prepared to hear.

This journey we are on feels a lot like being pregnant to me.  I feel like my hormones are all over the place and I am amazed at how emotional I am at times.  I daydream about what our child will be like just as I did with my boys.  I have hopes and dreams for this child just as I do for my boys.  And my thoughts are consumed with this precious child that I haven’t even seen yet.  There are so many similar feelings, but there are differences as well. 

While I carried my boys, we hoped and prayed they would be born healthy.  I knew they were being well cared for because they were with me and I was sure to do only what I thought was best for the baby we were waiting for.  While I wait for the day that Little Miss is placed in my arms, I have no control over how she is being treated.  How many hugs does she get every day or does she ever get one?  Does she get enough to eat?  Does anyone say “I love you”?  Does anyone care if she is hurt or sick?  Does she even know what love is or how to love?

I thought my eyes were open to the need for families for orphans.  After today’s meeting, my eyes have truly been opened to this need and so much more.  I am heartbroken.  I have struggled to keep it together all day.  Please pray for these sweet children.  Please pray that each child will be placed in a forever family.