What does adoption feel like?

I didn't know how I would feel as we waited to go to China.  I asked God to grow a deep love for her in our hearts.  We've had Emma Kate almost three weeks now but it feels like she has always been here.  We love her so much and she loves us too!  I don't feel like we adopted a child, I feel like we had a baby.  I don't feel like we just got back from China, I feel like we just got home from the hospital.  I know it sounds strange but that's just how it feels.  Maybe because I was just so tired in the first days home and much of my time was spent just holding her and bonding with her.  Maybe because my body was sore from all of the walking in China with an extra 20 pounds attached to me.  We've been home only nine days but China is a distant memory.  Am I just getting old?  I mean nine days isn't that long but it was an eternity ago...  Each day in China was a blur and time didn't seem to exist.  Was I just jet lagged or was this God's way of creating a love that is natural just as with a newborn baby?  There was an immediate bond.  I watched eagerly as they brought the children out one at a time.  I saw the lady walk out with a baby that I could barely see so I jumped up and started to walk closer to see if it was Emma Kate.  The Chinese name of our daughter was called out before I even got a good look so I ran over quickly and she was handed right over to me.  I loved her immediately.  She seemed so tiny compared to how she looked in the most recent pictures we had.  The memories of that day are vivid, but China is just a dream.  I don't feel like I was ever there.  I remember it well, but it just feels so distant.  Emma Kate is such a blessing.  We are so very lucky to be her parents.  I am so thankful that I trusted God.  Satan placed fear and doubt in my mind before we started this journey and while we were in the midst of it but I had faith we were doing what God called us to do and I knew God's plan was perfect.  There were people that questioned us..."how will you raise so much money in such a short time?", "what will happen if you don't have the money in time?", "shouldn't you have most of the money in savings before you start the adoption process?".  "I don't know how we will raise so much money", "God will provide all we need in his timing", "I wanted to wait until we had more in savings but God said trust me and go now".  We stepped out on faith.  If I hadn't trusted God, if I had let Satan talk me out of following God, if I listened to the doubters, if I hadn't humbled myself...where would Zhao DaiXuan be?  How sad it would be to miss out on our "blessings in china".  We are blessed to have so many people praying for us, encouraging us and supporting us.  Each and every person who had even the tiniest part in helping us get to China,  thank you for following God's commandment in James 1:27.  You don't have to adopt, but please see what a blessing adoption is and pray for those in process, give up eating out a time or two in order to give to a family that needs $30,000 to bring their child home,  donate your time to that mama that is exhausted from fundraising and needs help.  It is so worth it and your one day or hour of help will mean so much!  If you think I didn't appreciate your help because I didn't seem to show it, think again!  I love every one of you for helping us!  I was exhausted and could barely keep up with what day it was but I appreciated every one of you!  I can't wait to share Emma Kate with all of you.  Thank you!!!

Time to come home!

I can't believe its time to say this but in the morning we begin the long journey home.  The last two days have been very busy so I'll have to create a post after we get home with pics.  Our first flight out of Guangzhou is at 9:25am Wednesday for us or Tuesday night at 7:25pm for everyone at home.  We will arrive in the Bham airport at 9:53pm Wednesday night.  27 hour journey!  Anyone who wants to be there is welcome to come, we would love to see you all!

As many of you know, the attachment and bonding with an adopted child is very different from a biological child.  While Emma Kate is doing very well, we still need time for her to learn what a family is and she still has two brothers to meet and understand who they are.  To help her through this transition, Robert and I will be the only people to hold her, give her any food including snacks and treats and to meet any needs she may have.  Please understand that we want to share Emma Kate with you all but we have to get through this time of attachment and bonding.  We don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, we just need to do what is best for our daughter.  Please do not reach for her, we don't know if she would go to anyone but it is very important that we are the only people holding her at this time.  We are looking forward to arriving home and seeing some familiar faces.  Thanks for your prayers throughout this entire journey!

Day 8 - YueXiu Park and shopping

Today, Sunday 12/1 we went to YueXiu Park and a local mall.  As we entered the park, there is a huge statue with 99 steps leading up to it.  Guangzhou is the city of goats so the statue has several goats and the Chinese believe that the number 99 is lucky and represents longevity, therefore they built exactly 99 steps believing they would have long life if they walk to the top.

The statue of goats.

After we went down the steps on the other side, we came to a section of the park where people were playing hacky sack.  They get into teams and play together.  This is the second park we have been to with hacky sack going on, I guess it's a big thing here.  This park is where the retired go everyday to exercise and have fun with friends.  One team we were watching invited us to join them in a game so we did.  Carter kicked the hacky sack so hard when it came to him, that it flew past our circle of Chinese people and bounced off the top of another older man's head.  It was hilarious and one of the men on our team thought Carter did so well and everyone got a kick out of it.  I wish I had a picture of that moment.  We had the best time with these people!  We then went to a local mall where we could shop the pearl and jade market and some other stores.  Our guide took us into the section where the pearl and jade stores were and said there were 500 stores in this section alone that were all jewelry.  Crazy!  A few pics of the jewelry part of the mall.

They really pack a lot of stores into a small area.  The people working in the stores all bring their children and they just play in the mall all day while the parents work.

As we walk the streets of china and through the stores we constantly hear "Chinese chatter".  We don't understand what anyone is saying and we can't communicate with most people.  It's not scary for me because I have Robert there with me and we figure it out together.  Everything is confusing and it reminds me of how Emma Kate must feel with us when she only hears English and she has nobody to explain in a way she understands.  I can't imagine how scary home will be for her when she no longer has the Chinese chatter which she understands.  

Emma Kate is still doing well and continuing to make progress.  Yesterday while I was carrying her in the ergo, she reached up and started stroking my hair.  It was precious!  She pats me when she is happy as I carry her and it is too sweet.  She also smiles at us a lot more now.  She is loving playing with Carter and laughing with him.  I love watching her personality come out a little more each day.  Here's a pic of Emma Kate with daddy all ready for the big game.  

 

Last night was the first night she wouldn't sleep in her crib so she slept with us.  She woke up a few times crying and she was coughing a lot so I didn't sleep well at all.  She is asleep in her crib now so I'm hoping we can both rest better tonight as we have a busy day tomorrow. Consulate appointment, zoo and then a cruise.  I'm headed to bed.  Good night all!

Day 7 Martyrs Park

Yesterday, Saturday 11/30 we had the morning free so we went to a local park called Martyrs park.  It was so beautiful.  There was a lot of beautiful scenery, a skating rink, paddle boats and even an area like a small carnival.  We went with two other families from our group, both with an adopted child around Carter's age so we let them go into the carnival area and ride a little train roller coaster but the rides were more for toddlers.  We walked around and observed for a while.  There were a lot of people there, some dancing (like an outdoor dance class for adults), some were exercising, some playing different games and some were singing like a choir.  It was different as usual but cool to see all of the different activities.  Afterwards we went to Pizza Hut for lunch, then back to the hotel for a meeting to get paperwork ready for the consulate appointment.  The kids are great!  Carter has been awesome dealing with so many changes.  Emma Kate continues to grow more comfortable with us.  She just randomly decided to hug each of us and kept going around to each of us for more.  It was so sweet!  She has learned that when I'm strapping the ergo on, she gets to ride inside so she will reach for Robert to hold her and watch me patiently.  She also loves to ride in the stroller but only wants me to push it so she will look back every now and then to make sure I'm there.  She loves to run around the hotel room and play with all of us, the first few days she would only let me carry her and wouldn't walk at all.  We are enjoying china but I can't wait to take her home to meet her other brothers.  This is totally random but I keep forgetting to add it...a few days ago when we were on the bus we saw a cat on a leash tied to a tree right there on the side of a busy road!  There were people right there as they are everywhere.  I guess they were selling something and brought their cat along!  It was pretty funny.  Here's some pics for you:)

    I love this bridge at Martyrs Park!

    Giving sweet hugs by her own choice!